I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
