it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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