I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
