If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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