my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
