You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
