I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You ruined the universe
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
