your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
