I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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