I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
