So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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