i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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