Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
