meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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