He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
