I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
