you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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