How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
