Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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