Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
These tits shall not be calmed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
