good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
