i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
