After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
