whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
