whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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