final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
