one might say we're banned from that church
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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