I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
