I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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