somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
