i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
