i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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