my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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