I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
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Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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