Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
