My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
