based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
