Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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