that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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