yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
