Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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