you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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