She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
