just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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