Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
