Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
