My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
