how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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