Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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