Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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