my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
