there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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