if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
