I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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