Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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