The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
