i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
