Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
