She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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