I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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