So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
