Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
