keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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