it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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