dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
