just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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