went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
