Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
