I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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