guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize