he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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