He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
