if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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