i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
