Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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