Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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