It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
