Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
