I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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